Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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