my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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