woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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