Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
