All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
