drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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