dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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