Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
