you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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