my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
