I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
