Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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