I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
