I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He felt like a one man threesome
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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