I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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