I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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