Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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