I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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