the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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