God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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