I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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