I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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