so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
