Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
