you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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