so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
