can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
