if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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