Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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