how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
