ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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