i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
