hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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