You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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