Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
