batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
