I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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