A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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