$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
