But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
