the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I died a long time ago.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
