In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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