Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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