did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
