Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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