If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
