i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
