turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
