my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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