i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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