You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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