Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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