dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
please don't ironically join a cult
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