I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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