Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
