11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
