I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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