I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
