i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
