I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
