I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
