Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
