Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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