If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize