i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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