Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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