so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
