so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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