got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
