well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
