singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
