Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
