Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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