i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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