I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
