I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
