So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
