Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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