well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
